I don't know whether the things i did was right or wrong.. but I've been trying to "correct" my friends.. i mean like.. trying to stop them from doing bad/negative things or stop them from saying foul languages/bad things.. and anything else.. like, just trying to stop them to become/being bad... am I doing this wrong..? I seem kinda irritating aren't I..? But i just don't want them to become bad.. they're my friends...

I'm really fed up to all of them.. I shouldn't been trying to do this from the beginning.. this week.. I'm really fed up..

Last week I saw one of my friends MSN personal message.. seems like she cut her wrist.. the next day, this Monday, I kept "searching" for the cut but i can't see it.. then in the class another friend of mine saw it, then I said I wanna see to.. I thought I was going to scold my friend or press her wound after i see it, but.. I came up to afraid.. I don't dare to see it.. when she let me see the wound, i just took a quick view and immediately put down my head on my bag that's on my desk.. 'cause my tears began to...... I just act like I don't dare to see it.. but actually I'm crying there.. I'm really... hurt? I don't know what's that feeling.. I just don't want to see my friends or anyone else do such things to themsleves..!
In the same day, another friend of mine said her body hurts because she sleep walked and got hurt.. I was like.. "=__=|||".. but later then she suddenly told me that she'll have this kind of "sickness" evry month... After listen what she just said, I was like.. ok.. so that's what she means... those hurts and wound... were made by herself.. she pinched herself......
The next day, ANOTHER friend of mine told me that she nearly do "stupid things" because those two did.. made her think wrongly too.......

Why won't they choose another better way to release their pain or anger? Why must they torture themselves..?! I just don't understand..! I'm just really... sad...?
Why won't they think positively.. I kept telling them to think positively but still...

I'm really tired of it.. I just trying to make them be good.. It's just useless that the few of us wrote diaries and let each other know what we've been thinking... really useless... 'cause it's all the same..
I thought finally I have this so-called "friendship group" thingy.. but... maybe because I'm too.. "nice"..? because I'm a girl that doesn't hate my family, hate negative things, not like them..? but I'm really glad I'm myself... I think..

Ughh!! I'm so frustrated right now!! Is it really because of my personalities that made me can't have VERY CLOSE friends?? maybe it's also because NO ONE have the same interest with me in school... ......
Before this, erm.. before 2008 I kept saying that I don't want to graduate from high school so soon yet 'cause this year is the last year of studying in high school.. but now.. I really wish time will go faster... I wanna leave this crappy school.. I want holiday.. I want to achieve my dream(s)..! but I have to earn some money first before achieving them..

My dreams.. Graphic designer/illustrator.. hair stylist.. make-up artist.. photographer.. GUITARIST....
Last time me and my sis decided to form a band.. without knowing any intruments.. I just know a little bit acoustic guitar..
... now i really want to own an electric guitar(and also learn it of course)..!! But it's so freakin' expensive.. hope there're some nice but cheaper ones.. I wanna be like hide..

Before hide, the one that inspired me to learn guitar was Hisashi(from GLAY).. he was so cool..! I join the school's guitar club.. bought a stupid acoustic guitar for RM480 (that was like so freakin' expensive but those days i don't know!).. I thought it's going well learning it.. but NO!! The teacher teach us freakin' slow!! We just learnt a few chords..! So in the end of the year I quit.. can't take it anymore and it's wasting money (although it's not my money.. but those days my parent were having finacial prob..)
After that, I've stop touching my guitar for like... erm.. I think 2~3 years? or maybe 4 years? whatever.. but sometimes(start from last year) I'll take it out to play again 'cause I'm bored *__*|||

Until the end of last year, November... I started to admire hide..! He looks so cool !! Cooler than Hisashi!! =X When watching him playing his Fernandes Burny guitars... it inspires me again.. to learn guitar..!! ELECTRIC guitar!! There're many things I admire about him! He has his own style.. that's so nice..! I don't really like him in Zilch though.. 'cause I think it's kinda.. disgusting? o__o||||||| but still.. I like him! His style are so different than others..! His songs have many different types and that was like.. so cool..! Some of his songs are kinda weird but in the same time it's nice too!!

But... why he died..?

8 weeks left to his 10th Memorial Day... hmm... hide MUSEUM... why it closed..? I really wish to visit it... and also his grave..!
...I still can't believe he's dead.. for almost 10 years!! He doesn't looks like from the 90's AT ALL... so are his songs..!

Talking about hide, X's concert is coming soon..!! ... really wish to go..! *sigh...* X reunion... is it a good thing..? only the 4 of them.. without hide... every time I watch the "I..V." PV... feel so down.. they look kinda sad too.. without hide.. the band must be very quiet.. 'cause hide was like.. the "entertainer"/"joker" of the band...!
The coming concert.. I wonder how it's going to be like..?

Hmm..  Now the school holidays started, the holiday is about a week..! Can't wait to go out with my sis again~! We're going to Kinokuniya to see whether there're any magazines that is related with hide or X~!! Then we're going to have karaoke to sing hide and X's songs! (but it's so stupid 'cause the PV of those songs are non-related to them! hmmp!) Then I'm going to ask the price of the electric guitar~~ can't wait to know the price! I mean.. can't wait to BUY it!!!

My God.. I typed so many things already?! I didn't even noticed that! I'll stop here anyway..! Bye~!